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SUMMARY Avoidant

Avoidant

Ce again if remarried What can be done Individual therapy for the motivated Avoidant can move their default attachment style toward security and to the extent that problems have been made worse by an overly clingy and demanding anxious preoccupied partner therapy can help there as well Insecure partners who read and absorb the lessons of these books will have a head start on noticing and restraining themselves when they are slipping into an unsatisfying communications pattern and an intellectual understanding of the bad patterns is a step toward unlearning them Not all difficult Avoidants can be reformed; that depends on both partners the depth of their problems and their motivation and ability to change over time But many troubled marriages and relationships can be greatly improved and the people in them can learn to be happier with even modest improvements in understanding how they can best communicate support for each other For those reading who have not read Bad Boyfriends or are less familiar with attachment types a beefed up section on attachment theory and attachment types from Bad Boyfriends is included Regular readers of JebKinnisoncom will find edited versions of some relevant material previously posted ther. Should have read earlierVery informative I feel like if I d read this book 9 years ago it would have saved a lot of time energy and emotions

SUMMARY ´ eBook, ePUB or Kindle PDF ↠ Jeb Kinnison

Jeb Kinnison’s previous book on finding a good partner by understanding attachment types Bad Boyfriends Using Attachment Theory to Avoid Mr or Ms Wrong and Make You a Better Partner brought lots of readers to JebKinnisoncom where the most asked about topic was dealing with avoidant lovers and spouses There are many readers in troubled marriages now who are looking for help as well as people already invested in a relationship short of marriage who’d like help deciding if they should stick with it The reason why there is so much interest is the large number of people in relationships with Avoidants who struggle with their lack of responsiveness and inability to tolerate real intimacy Relationships between an Avoidant and a partner of another attachment type are the largest group of unhappy relationships and people who love their partners and who may have started families and had children with an Avoidant will work very hard to try to make their relationships work better out of love for their partner and children as well as their own happiness And it’s also true that the Avoidants in these relationships are than likely unhappy with the situation as well retreating into their shells and feeling harassed for being as. This book focuses on relationships with a dismissive partner mostly romantic relationships but it also looks at people with dismissive attachment style as parents for example It s an interesting read but I have three reasons to only give it a two star rating1 I think with this book you have to be able to translate the information you get into your subjective situation The content of the book is well researched but at the same time it focuses only on people who have a very extreme and firmly cemented style of dismissive avoidant attachment There is barely any room for nuances For example an auaintance of mine definitely fits into the firm dismissive avoidant category but I personally read the book because my partner is of the fearful avoidant style but at the same time a reasonably good communicator conscious of the fact that he has a problematic attachment style discusses it openly and works on changing some harmful patterns This may not be the norm but even though I think clich s exist for a reason every person is uniue and I would have wished that the presentation of the avoidant style would have been a bit diverse in the book ranging from mild to severe so to speak As it is the descriptions of the people with avoidant attachment styles really just sounds like a bunch of aholes and relationships with them like a kind of hell on earth which may be the case for some but not all and the reader constantly has to check how much of it applies to hisher own situation2 The book is dominated by research about the dismissive avoidant attachment style It mentions the fearful avoidant style regularly but I had hoped to find the fearful avoidant style to be represented just as detailed which was not the case3 The last part of the book contains mostly general relationship advice about good communication gratitude compromise etc which has nothing to do any with the specific situation of living with an avoidant I suspect that a lot of it is taken from the previous book of the author Bad Boyfriends but I m not completely sure I personally found the book very interesting and in parts helpful but I won t give it to my partner because I think the avoidants are described in such dark colors that he would end up in despair believing he is a terrible person who really shouldn t even think about having kids That somehow can t be the point

Jeb Kinnison ↠ 8 CHARACTERS

Ked to respond with positive feeling when they have little to give The other reason why so many people are looking for help on this topic is that it is an almost impossible problem Couples counsellors rarely have the time or knowledge to work with an Avoidant and will often advise the spouse to give up on a Dismissive especially whose lack of responsiveness looks like cruelty or contempt and sometimes it is Yet there is some hope though it may take years and reuire educating the Avoidant on the patterns of good couples communication if both partners want to change their patterns toward secure and satisfying models it can be done How can you tell if your partner is avoidant Does your partner • Seem not to care how you feel • Freuently fail to respond to direct uestions or text messages • Accuse you of being too needy or codependent • Talk of some past lover as ideal and compare you to them • Act coldly toward your children and the needy • Remind you that he or she would be fine without you • Withhold sex or affection as punishment If that sounds familiar then your partner is likely avoidant At about 25% of the population Avoidants have shorter troubled relationships and tend to divorce freuently and divor. There was a shocking amount dismissing of Dismissives So you have a dismissive partner they should read this book and you are a Dismissive partner reading this book Hey you you suck and your partners should leave you because you a helpless case

  • Kindle Edition
  • 229
  • Avoidant
  • Jeb Kinnison
  • English
  • 01 February 2017
  • null

About the Author: Jeb Kinnison

Jeb Kinnison grew up in the Midwest studied computer and cognitive science at MIT and wrote programs modeling the behavior of simulated stock traders and the population dynamics of economic agents He went on to do supercomputer research at a think tank that developed parts of the early Internet where the engineer who decided on ‘‘ as the separator for email addresses worked down the hall Si



10 thoughts on “Avoidant

  1. says:

    This book focuses on relationships with a dismissive partner mostly romantic relationships but it also looks at people with dismissive attachment style as parents for example It´s an interesting read but I have three reasons to only give it a two star rating1 I think with this book you have to be able to trans

  2. says:

    Us anxious types need all the help we can get and this is the definitive handbook to figuring out insecurities and doing away with them Not many books have changed my life but this one did for the better 1010 I would also credit this book for helping stabilise and understand my relationship better If you're just thinking of giving this a read I'd say go for it

  3. says:

    Okay so there is some really useful information about attachment type theory here Ironically the best part of this book is that the author doesn't follow academic writing conventions and just blockuotes huge sec

  4. says:

    There was a shocking amount dismissing of Dismissives So you have a dismissive partner they should read this book

  5. says:

    I was engrossed in this book I couldn't put it down and finished it in 3 days There is a lot of new and interesting information My biggest disappointment with the book was how many LONG paragraphs are copied in from other authors many many pages worth I've already read John Gottman's books and referencing his work in passing is fine but suc

  6. says:

    Dismissive avoidant approvesI am Dismissive Avoidant with a Fearful Avoidant partner Apparently a rare pairing and I could understand why Our communication has been terrible I found this book an illuminating objective over

  7. says:

    Useful info but as someone who's been pegged as an avoidant by a former partner who encouraged me to read this as the book itself instructs you the anxious person to do this came off as very condescending and well dismissive of avoidant people

  8. says:

    Should have read earlierVery informative I feel like if I'd read this book 9 years ago it would have saved a lot of time energy and emotions

  9. says:

    I liked this book and how he emphasized the important things from other well known books It helped me further understand my avoidant

  10. says:

    Overall this book is very eye opening The title seems a little damming but it is actually a book that explores all facets of attachment There are several outdated and misogynistic thinking portions in the book and that real

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